I always pre-empt emotions. Is that bad? Is it bad to expect the worse of everything? The more I think of getting a job the more I feel like nothing is ever going to be right again. And I go through this, oh just about every 2 hrs or so. Then I start to think what if I never find that moment of happiness again, and I won't lie, this is due to one person in part, but more importantly I seem to have lost my own intrinsic motivation.
Always chasing things, always chasing grades, jobs, money. The greatest wish is to just be happy. To be happy. How on earth do I learn how to treat you as a friend?
I'm scared.
I'm terrified of that feeling that I'm stuck in a dead-end job. I'm terrified of making wrong life decisions, people say jump, but all I see is this neverending abyss. Fuck it. I haven't had restful sleep in the longest time and that's probably numbing alot of emotions right now.
i feel the exact same way about life sometimes. especially now. sigh. maybe the point of living is just to go through it, and not to expect to live it in any single right or perfect way.
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