Friendship

Tango to me has always been about friendship.

It's about the times in a dusty classroom where english classes, stata classes, chinese culture classes give way to awkward shuffling around the floor. Where seats with attached tables become our vantage points at a 11pm practica on a Friday evening.

Where people meet, mingle, learn across all ages and all types, be it from healthcare, engineering, economics, professors, students, professionals and everyone in between.

Where late night mamak's post Friday evening regular milongas give way to conspiracy theories amidst the running rats around the drains and trees of Kay-el's messy streets.

When in a foreign land, you make friends immediately, by first, embracing strangers. Leading to night rides in brake-less cars and four women yelling directions to an unheeding gentleman bent on driving the route he wants to take.

When you have the last embraces on the floor, knowing you will see them again somewhere in this connected, weird and wonderful friendship of the love of Tango, its music, and its people.

Tete Rusconi’s open letter
Let us learn to dance Tango
Today January 9, 2006 I would like to ask you something with all the love and respect I have for you all. This is not a reproach against anyone, what I want is that the youth and all those who dance tango understand my reason: We do not have to dress up tango under any circumstances because this so passionate music gives us life, energy, pleasure and then makes us feel better. After so many years seeing dancers and trainers I think that there cannot be so many mistakes either in teaching or in exhibitions.

Next I shall tell you what my idea is. I always knew that music is the main basement of tango. Like also is learning to walk it with balance and cadence. I would not dare to say that there is no technique when you dance but I think that it would be much better if they taught to dance more freely, like for ourselves… there’s more fun there. Nobody can jeopardize us by watching us because we dance for ourselves.

I say that I think that many are disguising tango into something that is not true, because tango is music and you cannot start teaching steps or make the mistake of not teaching how to walk different music bars to recognize every orchestra. A lot of people that are teaching would have to learn first to dance tango in order to be able to teach giving all of themselves so not to let down their pupils or to spoil their images as educators.

Tango is not a business even though many ones think it is. Tango is a part of our life, a part of our grandparents, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters and friends. It is our life. We should not be so greatly mistaken and ought to conquer it again since we are losing it because we do not respect it.

Dear friends, female and male dancers, since this you do is one more work in your life, in order to be respectful with yourselves, it would be nice that in your exhibitions you should dance more tango and less acrobatics, ballet or any other thing different to tango.

I don’t want to think that in your exhibitions you behave as contenders; we know that each dancing team should create its own style and, furthermore, you should not dance music alien to tango. Don’t lie to yourselves or to people about that.

And for the tango community of Europe and the rest of the world I have a piece of advice: I would like that you opened your eyes about how to learn to dance and, especially, to stage organizers and trainers, sincerely, I want you to know that when something is organized you have to summon the best dancers and teachers to be able to teach correctly.

Without music, cadence, posture, and balance, steps are of no help at all and for that we need authentic instructors and teachers.

Oh, if you could see me now

Happiness. What we always strive for. The reason for our existence I daresay.

Mad Men finished on a 'Zen' mode. Perhaps Don was always falling, for 7 seasons he was falling until he hit rock bottom. And then, there he is, sitting on a couch, watching his Coke creation. Death and creation. Beginnings and Ends.

I had a dream last night, a last hug with the one person I would trade my life years for, just for a while more. It seems surreal that it has been almost 2 years since pa passed away, and there he was, or at least a form of him was, all I knew was that I was crying in the dream and I woke up with my pillow soaked in tears.

If we lived in two realms, the one of reality and the one of imagination, then dreams would connect us. For, really it is there that all the hidden thoughts come alive and sometimes feels even more real than the waking world. 

Anonymous

Being in Singapore is kind of like being...in a Malaysian version of a Western city. But what's more important is, that I'm anonymous. I tend to end up with a completely different persona of myself whenever I'm taken out of my comfort zone, and sometimes I wonder why I do not do that when I'm in KL. Too much history?

Someone got down to the root of it when I say that I stay on weekends because I might as well make use of the time. Not really, it's more the fact that being away from home makes me so much more independent than if I were to be staying at home. Grown up? I think so.

Ann Arbor was kind of like that. Anytime I'm away from the home setting do I realise that, yes, I can survive and I'll be fine. I'm a grown up. Even if all I'm doing is pretending to be. Doesn't help that the equilibrium and rock of home has been turned upside down to the point that sometimes I wish I could just escape it all. Too many worries about the future. Too much guilt-tripping.

Sigh.

Job well done
Standing ovation
Yeah you got what you wanted
I guess you won
And I don't want to hear, they don't know you like I do
Even I could've told you
But now we're done

'Cause you play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me, you played me wrong
You ruin me

I know you thought
That I wouldn't notice
You were acting so strange
I'm not that dumb
And in the end I hope she was worth it
I don't care if you loved me, you make me numb

'Cause you play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me, you played me wrong
You ruin me

We're that song you wouldn't sing
Just a broken melody
You're killing me

You play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me you played me wrong
You ruin me

Of Beer and Crabs

I was always an awkward teenager. I don't think there's any way to deny it, but teenage years sucked between the acne, glasses and untameable hair.

Somewhere in between stuff grew out. The hair became far more versatile, acne finally cleared post uni with a dosage of Roac and the glasses was the last to go at the ripe old age of 25. Despite that, there's another set of worries coming about such as the impending wrinkles and tired eyes that don't seem to be going away. There really is such a thing as wearing your age on your face, and apparently I'm a bit too readable.

But obviously this is probably the top of the curve and it's all downhill from here, man I really need to be more optimistic.

Had a great time last weekend catching up with someone that I'd only really met in the earlier part of the year, but sometimes you do realise that you click with people in sudden and unexpected ways. Barring age differences. Conversations about family, about life, about food, about dancing. When conversation isn't forced it is so comfortable and I've realised that people I click with all have family issues. Don't know what it is, maybe it translates into a certain personality that has learnt how to deal with adversity from a very young age.

Besides that tried my first AcroYoga class with C and dinner at Newton after before rushing back to get ready for Sunday's milonga which was fun, other than a very violent crash of heels of which I was not the recipient of. Oops.

Good weekend are of course followed up with Mondays from hell. The usual.

Back home this weekend, CAN'T WAIT!

Checking In

6 month project in Sg has seen me move across the boundaries for a M-F job. So far hours have been hectic and I have yet to picture an outcome, which is..worrying at best. Catastrophic at worst, but you know, life will sort its shit out eventually. And nothing is as bad as it seems, unless it's a death. Then yes, it's really as bad as it seems.

Singapore so far has been a hectic world-wind of dancing, brunching, lunching, dinner-ing and a bit of drinking thrown in for good measure. There's quite a bit about being away from home (much like Uni felt) that often unleashes a very *ahem* manic Id side of me that the other sides often feel the backlash of for, far, far too long.

Crossing boats. Always. Why is that? Is it more of the fact I need to introduce more recklessness into my KL lifestyle, or is it that KL just isn't a conducive environment for it? Probably the latter.

But what can I change right? Forging my own career and destiny often felt like something I would look to pa for approval for, now that he's gone I often feel more adrift than ever. Elated at the possibilities, but so, so fearful because there are no check-ins anymore. Welcome to adulthood, here's the keys now go.

Life happens like that.

The Secret-Keeper

"We all have the unique ability to narrate our experiences-to ourselves. We are constantly processing and shaping the information that comes to our brains from our bodies and our senses. We organise all that input into narratives, which form the backbone of our identity. Some of them are about the past, others about the present, and we use that same technique to imagine the future.

In this way we can massage the chaos of our lives and transform it into our stories. This continuous conversation, much of which is unconscious, allows us to elimiate dangerous options. It helps us imagine survival strategies and even make good risk-taking decision. These narratives are not immutable-they change as our experiences change-but they are fundamental. You have to reassemble your identity in a way that accounts for the new information."

~http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201312/the-secret-became-my-life

This was so powerful and reminds me that I've been like a rubix cube for most of my life, still trying to find the right combinations. I have a bad feeling this is going to continue for quite a while more though...

BANKS

I'm thinking it over
The way you make me feel all sexy but it's causing me shame
I wanna lean on your shoulder
I wish I was in love but I don't wanna cause any pain
And if I'm feeling like I'm evil, we've got nothing to gain

What if I never even see you cause we're both on a stage
Don't tell me listen to your song because it isn't the same
I don't wanna say your love is a waiting game

Baby I'm thinking it over
What if the way we started made it something cursed from the start
What if it only gets colder
Would you still wrap me up and tell me that you think this was smart
Cause lately I've been scared of even thinking 'bout where we are

 
All along it was a fever
A cold sweat hot-headed believer
I threw my hands in the air I said show me something
He said, if you dare come a little closer
Round and around and around and around we go
Ohhh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
It takes me all the way
I want you to stay
It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take, it's given
Round and around and around and around we go
Ohhh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
It takes me all the way
I want you to stay

Oh the reason I hold on
Oh cause I need this hole gone
Funny you’re the broken one but I’m the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the light it’s hard to know which one of us is caving