Wishes for 2013...

...for moments of utter joy
...for travels and seeing new lands
...for peace and calm
...for the safety of family and good health
...for setting and achieving goals
...for good times with good friends

Turning of clocks are nothing but human inventions. But still, renewal for a new year and goals to set.Thank you 2012-my Dragon year, you healed my soul and showed me how life could be lived if I chose it to be. On to even better things!

2013 Resolutions

In a bid to create ACTIONABLE resolutions, with an actual plan to get to it...(partly inspired by http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/) especially:

"The human mind is a miracle, and you will never see it spring more beautifully into action than when it is fighting against evidence that it needs to change. Your psyche is equipped with layer after layer of defense mechanisms designed to shoot down anything that might keep things from staying exactly where they are -- ask any addict."

These are my 2013 resolutions:

1) Be able to do a handstand
2) Pick up a new sport/activity
3) Participate in a half marathon-improve upon 2:33! Goal 2:20....
4) Say yes more
5) Drop a waist size
6) Join tennis competitions
7) Cook more-twice a week dinner!
8) Do a Tango Performance
9) Sub hour 10k

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

Movie season

π, 3.14, πr^2, 2r=d

Earliest memory of pi came about at the age of 11 on a 'parents' in school day where Ms Fell stood up at the board and asked something about pi, and pa answered the question. The memory is hazy, much like the dream that managed to slip through my fingers this morning as I woke up for bootcamp, however this was probably my very first encounter of pi. Havn't touched it for years, other than the book of course.

Movie was fascinating, I didn't think anyone would be able to translate a book with such an abstract premise into a movie, however, Ang Lee managed to do a great job of it. Visuals were absolutely beautiful and this is the first movie that has managed to make me feel seasick. Even a normal boat can't do that!

Having re-read the book this year, I was struck by how well the first part would translate into a whimsical 'Amelie' style movie and I wasn't proven wrong with french swimming pools and animals prancing on and off screen in highly cinematic visuals. What I definitely didn't expect was the engagement that would come with the survival style occurrences in the second act with Richard Parker facing off Pi moments.

Kudos to whoever casted Piscine Molitor Patel. Stroke of genius that.

The Perks of being a Wallflower was a movie that I've been on the lookout for in the DVD store recently, however I was pleasantly surprised that it was actually showing in GSC this time around seeing its limited release even in the US.

The movie falls along the similar feel of "500 days" or "Donnie Darko" or actually much like "Garden State"... or any of those American teenage movie posters that Nicole felt apt to put up in our 11x12 foot room as a fair representation of her personality. I read a review that summed it up nicely in a line-paraphrased-: "it reminds you of the little things that you no longer remember, or want to remember, but remains so much a part of you."

I think looking back at it and questioning the acting, the themes a little, makes me feel callous in forgetting how true life feels when you're a teenager. When you're faced with sad moments that magnify itself to proportions beyond your control, just because you have yet to learn how to let go. It's these experiences that shape us and sometime we get stuck in moments. Hell, I still do.

This movie reminded me how things adults used to dismiss as 'unimportant' are actually really that important. And how advice like "you'll get over this" ring true 2 years after the fact, but in the moment you think you'll never get out of it.

Gerben. Your Smiths will forever haunt me with Morissey's voice. Maybe freshmen english really was my induction into the 'America High School experience 101.'

Silver bells

Hear the snow crunch
See the kids bunch
This is Santa's big scene
And above all this bustle
You'll hear...
Silver bells, silver bells

Picturesque scenes taken from the 5th floor window of Apt 507-721 South Forest, Ann Arbor. Earlier while ordering my Mario Badescu, I was digging through old emails to find my original signup address, and for a moment smiled as I remembered the tons of packages that would come knocking on 721 S. Forest every so often.

I signed my painting 1/11/12 and only just realized yesterday that it should have read 1/12/12. It has only just hit me that it's already December, I don't know where this year went, and I always repeat it, but this year has been nothing short of eventful.

Jan:  Resolutions, bootcamp starts in a bid to fit into my skirts
Feb: Impromptu Bali lush getaways
March: St Patty's day, lost my itouch
April: Ong Shunmugam cheongsam making, family portraits, Shanghai visiting
May:Work crazies
June: Italy trips, tea times with friends
July: More Italy trips, KLASSICS reunited-KLASSICS un-reunited
August: Hong Kong visiting, Perhentian dive times, Italians visiting
Sept: Pool side chills, itching, Sashimi buying, white water rafting
Oct: Birthdays, crazy script shooting, cupcake making
Nov: Bangkok visiting, go-kart racing, saying goodbyes
Dec: Jlo concerts, art weekends, Christmas Parties and holidays, NYE with a bang

Peace

The longer and longer I mull over things like, where I was, where I'm going, what I'm going to be, who I'm going to be with, how I'm going to get there, the more I realize that this year has been a bit of an eye opener because it has been serving as a template of sorts for what life could be like for a long time more (touch wood).

This year...this year...I had a nice discussion with R at A2's wedding this weekend over how life changes. For him, it's ranged from moving countries, moving jobs, finding jobs, discarding jobs, breaking up, travels...and everything in between. And the more I realize that everyone around me is still in such a flux. Embracing this constant change is what is going to define my 20's and hell, if I don't find ways to jazz it up a bit more.

Where next? Where next indeed. Travels in January/February, woot! Looking forward to reconnecting with Michigan girlies over tuk-tuk rides to 1000 year old temples. US/London travels perhaps? 2013, you're shaping up to be a good year too...if the Mayans weren't correct.

It's no longer a one-sided game of upstaging each other. It's a peace that comes with accepting that I don't want to feel a certain way anymore. Nor do I want and wish to force you to.

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
'cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Reminded

I am reminded how much friendship groups have reshaped themselves over the past few years over sake and yakitori last night. Saying goodbye to Yvee after knowing her for less than a year and the heartfelt-feel good moments that make me feel truely thankful to have all these people in my life.

Yesterday's 18 hour day started with bootcamp sessions, watching US presidential elections numbers like watching an OSU vs Umich game, running out of office at 7:30 pm, getting lost in Kampung Mt Kiara and ending up in Segambut instead, too many sake shots and way too many yummy yakitori sticks.

To cap it all off, awfully terrible drunken renditions of the star spangled banner and negaraku and quite a few tears.

Saying goodbyes. Always.

The October Issue

I started out October on quite a high-determined in fact to make it a good month, "my" month. Somehow it kinda worked out, birthday went smoothly and I know definitely now that I am getting too old to club =S. Foot massages at dodgy Thai places at 2am in the morning made this birthday something extra different, that's for sure. There goes cycle 2 of my zodiac! Whether 2012 will see the Mayans having the last laugh or not, it's been a memorable one as I stop and look back at all the accomplishments of this past year. The laughs, ponderings, tears, sadness, happiness. They all sort of roll into one big play-dough ball of life.

I had another talk at Tango (these things always happen) with a lovely chap who's headed back to Australia-conversation turned to returning home and it was then that I started thinking back to AA, back to a life I had once created for myself overseas. For some reason it is so hard to grasp that it was reality...at one point. I guess the reality now is that paradigm shifts are a part of life, that somehow everything changes in a blink of an eye and all these new schedules fit into life, until you wonder when you ever, never knew life to be just as it is now.

And back then I couldn't wait for this day to come. If only to just erase some memories.

Langkawi tomorrow. Epic time to show our excellent movie!

October Finale Weeks

Good workout this morning with ropes, running, burns, tyres, mud, sore. Sim tries to kill us everytime he sees us, I swear. But a good start to the week!

On the cards for this week: Penang work trip-ping, pedi-manis, Friday off work, b'day dinner, clubbing, shopping for heels, general pampering. Mmm, looking forward to it!

"And of course I wonder, does it happen to you?
Does my ghost ever come, looking for you?
Coz all that's left now, are my dreams and memories,
But I'm glad you came into my life and put your stain on me."

~ICU-Lou Doillon

Try

 
Ever wonder about what he's doing
How it all turned to lies
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try
You gotta get up and try try try

Eh, eh, eh

Funny how the heart can be deceiving
More than just a couple times
Why do we fall in love so easy
Even when it's not right

Ever worried that it might be ruined
And does it make you wanna cry?
When you're out there doing what you're doing
Are you just getting by?
Tell me are you just getting by by by

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try
You gotta get up and try try try

Limits

What are your limits? When do you say to yourself that enough is enough, or do you stand aside and let things just slip by? Is it better to let go or to just roll with it?

Conflicts will always remain, dissatisfaction with something will always exist, but maybe what it takes is to place yourself in another frame of mind, to remind yourself that at the end of it all we are merely bit players, nothing more nothing less. That wounds heal, worries fade, so go on and just forget. Immerse in things that make you happy, that bring you to life. Test your bodies limits, challenge yourself mentally. Why not after all? It's only a game.

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, you have found peace
You were searching for release

You gave it all into the call
You took a chance and
You took the fall for us

You came thoughtfully
Loved me faithfully
You taught me honor
You did it for me

Tonight you will sleep for good
You will wait for me, my love

Now I am strong, you gave me all
You gave all you had
And now I am home

You took my hand and added a plan
You gave me your heart
I asked you to dance with me

You loved honestly
Did what you could release
Ah, ooh

I know you're pleased to go
I won't relieve this love

Now I am strong, you gave me all
You gave all you had
And now I am home

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, I'll be with you

It could be worse...

It's one of days when a combination of broken sleep nights due to itching has kept you from a good night's sleep. Where you're required at the end of the day to be agony aunt to..well, your aunt, and you know that's what is facing you after a tedious day at work with little to shout about and you've not been exercising as much as you'd like to be and you realize that there hasn't been much improvement physically anyway, and you're still cursing bed bugs and wishing that you didn't have so many things to worry about at this point in time that sort of all coalesce in a throbbing throat that might indicate more illnesses.

Sigh. Positive thinking!

终於你找到一个方式分出了胜负
输赢的代价是彼此粉身碎骨
外表健康的你心里伤痕无数
顽强的我是这场战役的俘虏

就这样被你征服
切断了所有退路
我的心情是坚固
我的决定是糊涂

就这样被你征服
喝下你藏好的毒
我的剧情已落幕
我的爱恨已入土

终於我明白俩人要的是一个结束
所有的辩解都让对方以为是企图
放一把火烧掉你送我的礼物
却浇不熄我胸口灼热的愤怒

你如果经过我的坟墓
你可以双手合十为我祝福

This dreamer need to reboot her dreams

Surprising right, life's sort of settled into this monotony of work, sports, travel, weekends that seem to just loop round and round. It's a wonder that I'm not bored out of my mind just yet, but I guess this is where the circles of social life step in to try and break up routine just a little bit.

2 years. Almost. What next? What now?

For now everything sort of fits like a second skin. But today I'm feeling just a little restless. It's one of those days where you've caught the wrong hour to wake up and basically woke up on the totally wrong side of the bed. TOTALLY. Where you sit at work and wonder WHAT you're actually doing. I'm sure it's the curse of the white collar worker, but what next eh?

Someone please call 911, yeah yeah
Tell them I just got shot down
And it's piercin through my soul
Feel my body gettin cold

That guitar cries in the song. Been on repeat for the past workday and yet to get sick of it. That's saying something!

Of sandflies, suntans and silly nights

Perhentian, summed up in these words...

travel, boat, wading in jeans through water, wasps, shisha, gorgeous diving, triggerfish, Moray eels, sand, sand, sand, climbing balconies, MSG food, crazy karaoke nights, 2am night swims, full moons, burnt down cafes, kimono dragons, GIANT gekkos, old taxis, centipedes, smokes, barefoot walks, itchiness, tangled hair.

Definitely a fun trip, but at the same time very happy to be back in civilization and not having to battle the million and one creatures that can kill you or make you itch like a bloody monkey. Omg. So Itchy.

Charmed

Sitting under the open air skies, blowing shisha, drinking mint tea, conversations roaming from future to past, present to plains of unidentifiable times. Speeches and hashtags on life and musings of things read, things seen. Ghosts of the month, projections on diving dangers, skiing comparisons, economic issues, racial, ethnic challenges. Education systems, fabrics of life.

Shisha conversations never fail to disappoint. It's often like I'm drunk without the nasty side effects of drinking.

It's nice having friends in town, especially old ones whoes histories go way back, where paths have crossed across 5 countries over 6 years in bite size tea cake fillings of satisfaction. A little vacation for me in town, a coalescing of friendship groups. Circles have become more diverse over the years until there are little pockets of friends that need continuous attention every cycle of day, week, month, year. The Michigan Group, the KLASS group, the RSGC group, the Random group, the Friend of Friends group, all other Foreign friends who come once in a while group. No wonder I've been feeling busy =S.

Not to mention the ones scattered across the globe, I've always prided myself on keeping in touch with people in general, but even in the age of whatsapp, skype, email anything else, it's quite hard to have a conversation with people sometimes! But after awhile, I guess it's time to let go and realize that those who are true friends will always be there. Dormant, but willing to pick up threads at any time again.

I said thanks for a lot of things last night. But overall, a thanks for having the ability to do what I want. Ultimately that encompasses it all.

In the spring we made a boat

Out of feathers, out of bones.
We set fire to our homes,
Walking barefoot in the snow.

Distant rhythm of the drum
As we drifted towards the storm.
Baby lion lost his teeth,
Now they're swimming in the sea.

Troubled spirits on my chest
Where they laid to rest.
The birds all left my tall friend
As your body hit the sand.
Million stars up in the sky
Formed a tigers eye
That looked down on my face,
Out of time and out of place.

So hold on,
Hold on to what we are,
Hold on to your heart.

Awaken by the sound
Of a screaming owl.
Chasing leafs in the wind,
Going where we've never been.

Said goodbye to you my friend,

As the fire spread. 

All that's left are your bones

That will soon sink like stones