Home...or something like that

Having run around for the past 2 years for projects where about half the time has been spent in countries other than Malaysia, I do sometimes feel a bit in a transient mood, non-committal, non-binding and hell, not responsible for certain aspects of my own life.

Slowly but surely though, getting back into the groove of being back home and realising that no matter where in this world I go, I try to establish a few basics - the feel of "home", the feel of that comforting lazy weekend waking up to activities like gym, friends, brunch and dance. That is what I try and replicate in every city I've had to work in so far.

Also being involved in activities happening. I feel that the pull of certain countries happens because I am almost a different persona in those countries. As though the transient nature of being there makes me want to participate more in the activities which are more "tailored" to foreigners. No doubt, a lot of the more hipster-ish movement happening in KL seems to be crafted more to an international middle class of coffee drinking, brunch eating, hipster, organic buying yuppies. But I do feel, Malaysia does it its own way, it incorporate things like supporting local brands, local artists, local shophouses, I think the difference is that, we have a history that we can lean on, that we can showcase, but in a newer manner.

And yes, it plugs us into a global network of what is "cool".

Anyway back to the workout groove and yet again the endorphins are helping the wheels to turn, the ideas to form and the discussions to happen. It's been a while since I've felt this gung ho about something and as always it comes in the maelstrom of work, passion and self evaluation that is happening.

Life, always fun to live it!

Writings and musings

I often lose the will to want to write. Consulting does that to you when you have to form incoherent sentences to drive a point across. But sometimes, certain inspirations drag out of me the need to want to verbalise or frame what I have in mind about life. I find Tango does the talking for me nowadays though. I don't need to write, I just need to express.

It's been a crazy project in Dubai, highs and lows, tears, anger and fears all manifested into one big mess.

Always feel like I am at the beginning. Traipsing around a golf course during an LPGA championship.

Choices

We make choices everyday, choices about what we wear, where we go, what we do, what we eat, who we see.

Having worked in somewhat healthcare related projects over the past year and a half (unfortunately not doctors, more the planners and strategists around the concept of healthcare), there has been growing awareness about exercise and food choices which we make on a day to day basis. When you're faced with questions on a population level basis i.e. "How can we change the behaviour and habits of a certain subset of the population who never exercises, never stretches, eats nasi lemak every day for breakfast and wonders why they have diabetes/high cholesteral/stroke...-.-". Seriously people.

It's a choice, life has always been choices, despite the inherent boundaries which we are born with, we can and do find ways to work beyond that. I am intolerant of the people who rant about their situation but when asked to confront or do something to change it, back away almost immediately. There is absolutely no love or empathy for me in that situation, in fact I'd likely be more peeved than anything else.

This is also a reminder to myself, that, exercise and fitness isn't done for the sake of looking good, it's as much about feeling good and feeling strong and truly inhabiting your body and being able to push it to its maximum capabilities. This is why I exercise and this is why I dance and yes, in the middle of crazy projects where every day sucks bits and pieces of your soul, being able to remember that we are a physical being (and not just our brain and eyes) is so, so important. Confront the pain, push through and challenge yourself.

Back to Bootcamp it is. 

Balik Rumah

I'm back after 7 months away from home (the first since Uni days) and it was a good 'break' away. Granted, some late nights, a bit of stress and crazy people but hey, survived, learned, met new people, formed a new group of work colleagues. Realised that Singaporeans aren't that different from us Malaysian's and government in developed countries are sometimes equally as hopeless, in different ways. One actively and knowingly and the other just stupidly bodoh.

Heading back this weekend to experience Sg as a tourist again. Dropping by the milongas that have become my second home, buzzing around public transport which has become such a norm for me. But surprisingly, none of the nostalgia that came with leaving University.

Right now, semi enjoying the time off and looking forward to Dive trips, Tango Blitzing, Tango down South and Tango in Istanbul. Again, stabilising to a new norm with Tango at the center of it all.

Good times!

Making Music

Joined in for Beethoven's 9th "Ode to Joy" over the past 2 months with the Community Orchestra. Listening to an orchestra go full steam ahead at prestissimo x 100 was such an amazing feeling, that and the tremulous, swell of -

Seid umschlungen, Millionen! Diesen Kuss der ganzen Welt! Brüder, über'm Sternenzelt Muss ein lieber Vater wohnen. Ihr stürzt nieder, Millionen? Ahnest du den Schöpfer, Welt? Such' ihn über'm Sternenzelt! Über Sternen muss er wohnen.

Be embraced, you millions! This kiss is for the whole world! Brothers, above the canopy of stars must dwell a loving father. Do you bow down before Him, you millions? Do you sense your Creator, o world? Seek Him above the canopy of stars! He must dwell beyond the stars.

This embrace of the arts, of dance, art, music is such a trinity that deserves way more recognition than it does nowadays. 

Yet again, I find myself being more involved in communities outside of my own country, maybe being away from home really does spur me to want to seek interesting things to do, whereas home is so comfortable that I do not feel the need to do anything different.

1 month into yoga and I'm loving it! It's such a nice feeling to look inward and utilise the power of a simple stretch which makes me sweat even more than more "active" sports actually does. Maybe it's about tapping into the areas of challenge (i.e. flexibility) that triggers the body to react in such a different way. I can do a plank for ages, but chaturanga kicks my ass. Here's to triceps and abs!

And January is almost over. I think it's been a good pilot month, here's to an exciting February. 

Karma

We flew through a storm getting into KLIA on Friday, a real proper show of flashing lightning, swirling clouds and 15 backed up planes causing a 2 hour delay to a 1 hour flight.

Descent through the clouds reminded me of the cloudy murkiness that engulfed us diving in the waters of Sipadan in January, where the only distance you could see was up to the hand extended in front of you, a wall of coral on the left and on the right and below, nothingness stretching into blackness.

Dancing raindrops skittered across the plane of the double-paned window for what felt like eternity, all I could see was the dense white fog and the flashing illumination of our plane wing light reflecting off the mass of clouds. Sparkling sparkling raindrops reminding me of the million stars at the top of Rinjani at 530am. Before a break and there, Home lay below. The snaking lights of highways or the patches of neighbourhood lights, circles breaking the darkness, illuminating just only what was below them. A gate, a petrol station, nothing high rise, just monopoly-like houses.

Karma. This whole week feels like Karma. One week of dancing til 4am's and another of working til 2am's.

I am really. really. tired.

Of stepping outside Boxes

How many times do we really take a step back to see where life is now and where we want to go? Fortune favours the bold, if you don't know where you want to end up, any road will take you there, be free, chase your dreams!

Being spontaneous is a feature that society seems to put on a pedestal, but what about planning? What about goals? What about hard work? We seem so enchanted by the end story that we often dismiss the things that people have had to do to get there. Do ends really justify the means? I hope so.

3 months wrapping up the tail end of a project that I could call my own. Throwing myself into situations that would have made me seize up and freeze just a short number of years ago. Progress? I think so.

Michigan reunions seem to be in full swing this summer. Nicnocs in Sg with Dian, some ice cream, booze and boy gossip. Lulu in KL at an Entrepreneurship Forum, very yummy vegetarian food all around and Football mornings.

What next? Yes, what next indeed. Rinjani in less than a month and I cannot be more unprepared than this. Time to visit Uniqlo soon!

Also in the middle of a 2 day detox now, this is where the ends really better justify the means because it also  means I will not chew anything for 2 days straight. 

Halfway There

2014 half gone, been through a lot for this first half of the year, teaching tango, performing tango, going diving, learning new things on this job, keeping in contact with everyone, signing up for crazy things like G4G4 and Rinjani.

It's been pretty good so far, nothing new to report though besides the fact that I've been considering more and more about what next when it comes to going back to school. 4 years almost.

And as people move in and out of your life you learn to forge friendships ever the more quickly, take people at instant judgement, realise that certain situations will never be the same again but are ok with it. You learn that time takes friendships that lasted for the whole of schooling life and turn you into two strangers who really don't particular care about each other anymore whereas friendships forged in the current and now suddenly become your new clique. You learn to be ok with all this and realise eventually that everyone at the core of it, has to be comfortable alone before they can really connect with someone else.

Such is life.

G4G4 was good and as usual I'm fighting itchy bug bites and blistered feet as CC in the wild only ever does best. Think DOE bloody blisters and Perhentian Bug Bites. 13 km of running and 2 km of kayaking as well as an hour crawling up an 80 degree incline hill. Horribly disgusting but the sense of achievement is so palpable. 4th place of 15 teams overall so was a good run on our part. You can do anything as long as your mind is in it, this is why I do these things really. Much like DOE, or Rinjani coming up next it's about pushing my body to the limit as I sit here in the office in silence among people who pretend we don't see each other, each too engrossed in the supposed importance of their work. Words on a ppt. That's what I get paid for.

Chase

I. Am. Quite. Exhausted.

Just a little. This year has been a disjoint and draining on a level that I've never quite experienced before. Bipolar too. Next time I'll just count my blessings and be done with it. If there's anything that this year has taught me, is that it has pushed to the forefront the realities that life is never going to be always the same and status quos always change.

So, hold on, because life is and has always been a bumpy ride, but really, make your choices and do your best with whatever you choose.

This weekend came off a high of wrapping up a busy piece at work and started out on a Friday with KFC, two cakes, satay and plenty of booze, finishing off with champagne in the pool, boisterous chicken fights-where I almost drowned- and a rambunctious game of Marco Polo which basically wiped all us 20 something's out. Man, what happened to playing in the pool for hours at a time?

This was followed up with a bridal party on saturday with spa dates and hi-tea at Carcosa, then a 12 hours tango marathon where we smashed the last record of 7am, finishing at 8am with pancakes and bacon (which I did not get any of). Passed out for 6 hours before heading to La Boca and DJ-ing at Radius where by that time I was totally uninspired to dance. It's true! Too much of a good thing isn't really good either...

Anyway, December. Jeezus, this year has just gone and disappeared down some black hole again.

New beginnings

This was my entry of my very first job 3 years ago

Of golf courses and financial models

I spent today traipsing around a golf course. In heels. Michelle Wie was somewhere in the vicinity. I now know that water retention is very important in a golf course and that people often don't really know what they are doing. Good god now THAT is scary.

Still adjusting, can't believe it's only second week. Uncovering more insights, nice bunch of people. See where this takes me.

 

3 years on and I find myself at yet another client site adjusting. Work is the same, what's different is the system behind it and the people.

 

Who knew that 3 years on my ex-colleagues would become the family that I would call on when I need support, entertainment, motivation. Now let's mark this as the new entry.

 

We'll see where this takes me then =).

Mentally & Physically Exhausted

Marathon of interviews and so, so, so close to the finish line. But unless I take the next few steps everything that was previously done was for naught so fight on!

Viper challenge today, sunburnt face and arms, bruised knees and thighs, acheing knees and probably sore everything tomorrow. But we persevered. No one will come and get you, so what is your choice but to soldier on? Good teamwork, good effort, climbing 10 feet boards is a bitch and so is climbing hills without water. This is what I live for. Moments like these. 6 hours of chaos.

Now for a well deserved rest tomorrow.

Writers Block

The only outlet that seems to have any words flowing unceasingly nowadays seems to be my Tango blog. Neglecting this recently because, well, I frankly have not been inspired to write much, even though life has been fully activated this month and my sleep quota is ever-shrinking, even without bootcamp this month.

Off to Singapore tonight for a bit of RnR with the Michigan travel crew, but also battling a creeping sore-throat for the past 3 days. Urgh. Hopefully the heat won't fry too badly. In other news, the cruise package just came, I am looking forward to finishing my stash of GoT on a very relaxing cruise poolside. Can't wait! Also must remember to pack Tango shoes for London. Summer, here I come!

Purgatory

I'm fighting a lot of inner demons recently but I'm sure I'll come out the stronger of it eventually.

Just to keep stock of what's going on:

1) Tango weekend next weekend with Wesak day+Tangoblitz starting on Thursday + Chinese Tea Ceremony on Saturday!
2) Skytrex + Wedding
3) Singapore with Lulu!
4) 2 week Europe Vacay
5) Stanchart Marathon
6) Melaka Wedding
7) Shanghai

This will last me the next 2 months. Chaos & Fun, here I come!