It's been awhile since I blogged. I think I'm probably the last of the bunch who initially started with blogs over a decade ago, who's still turning to this to air her thoughts. My writing has veered from teenage angst to college woes and now I can no longer string decent sentences anymore due to consulting skills which require very funny sentence structures to fit everything in size 12 on one slide.
I have not been blogging as frequently due to a sheer lack of interest in wanting to express myself. Somewhere through this years project I started entertaining thoughts of just walking away. I have realised I'm turning into the exact hypocrite that I told myself I would never be, that I would never reach a stage where work becomes the all-consuming monster that eats into my time, my effort and my care. Well it did. It did for a fair chunk of the last quarter of this year and it started eating into everything else too, my want of keeping fit, with no more bootcamp times. My want of learning new things, it even started hampering Tango on a very serious scale and that was when I realised I have almost had enough.
Once this fuse finishes, let's see what next.
2014 was like a struggle through mud which soon turned into tar. As much as the airline tragedies have not affected me personally (thank you, whoever you are), it has left so much of a scar over the psyche of who we identify ourselves to be, our Nation, our people. Yes, the very nation that we often easily discard for the 'greener pastures' of other nations. Do nations die? I think they do, they die a slow, sad death when their people no longer believe in what they fundamentally stand for. Malaysia has been teetering on a very fine see saw over the past few years, but what next right?
And now, we have 2015. I almost wont to say, meh. MEH. 2012 was a year I recorded diligently, feeling extremely sad when it left. 2013 was the most horrible year on a personal scale to date, but 2014 took that and amplified it on a level beyond me.
2015, you will have to be extra special to be horrendous. I challenge you.
So many things have changed. I don't even know how to describe it, but if a family could collapse on itself both my literal one and figurative one, then 2013 saw that explode in the most spectacular fashion. 2014 seemed to just be a continuation of that, so you know what, 2015, you'll be my personal 2014.
What I have learnt through this period of my life is this. People come and go like waves, and sometimes you're close, sometimes they end up being the person who you don't know s*** about. Some relationships linger due to past alliances when they should just be buried, while some are like shooting stars, fleeting, but beautiful when they are around.
When you meet someone and you go, how are you? Often you search for exciting nuggets to tell them, big milestones of things, like oh, I'm moving countries, or I got a new job, or I have a bf/fiancee/husband/child.
Sometimes though, you realise there isn't much about your life that you want to share with them, or that, yes, things have been happening in your life, but you really just cannot be bothered to share it with them. Because? They haven't been around to see it happen. The death of these relationships tend to stack up, and sometimes I think they reflect in the very soul of the person you see standing before you.
Now how do I go about renewing myself?
2014 Resolutions
1) Travel to new places for Tango (...kinda failed at this)
2) Take up pole dancing (uh....for like 3 months)
3) 80% Bootcamp attendance (yeah, try 10%)
4) Learn how to code (absolute 0%)
5) Do a performance (ok quite a few of these so 300%!)
6) Consistent article writing (for about 5 months...)
7) Study for GMAT (absolute 0%)
8) Be more spontaneous (eh...50-50)
2015 Resolutions
1) Travel to new places for Tango (Istanbul! Korea!)
2) Take up Yoga
3) More performances for Tango
4) Continue Bootcamp
5) Take up new sport (boxing?)
6) Consider Grad School
7) Find something useful to contribute time to
8) Read more
9) Do a handstand
