Friendship

Tango to me has always been about friendship.

It's about the times in a dusty classroom where english classes, stata classes, chinese culture classes give way to awkward shuffling around the floor. Where seats with attached tables become our vantage points at a 11pm practica on a Friday evening.

Where people meet, mingle, learn across all ages and all types, be it from healthcare, engineering, economics, professors, students, professionals and everyone in between.

Where late night mamak's post Friday evening regular milongas give way to conspiracy theories amidst the running rats around the drains and trees of Kay-el's messy streets.

When in a foreign land, you make friends immediately, by first, embracing strangers. Leading to night rides in brake-less cars and four women yelling directions to an unheeding gentleman bent on driving the route he wants to take.

When you have the last embraces on the floor, knowing you will see them again somewhere in this connected, weird and wonderful friendship of the love of Tango, its music, and its people.

Tete Rusconi’s open letter
Let us learn to dance Tango
Today January 9, 2006 I would like to ask you something with all the love and respect I have for you all. This is not a reproach against anyone, what I want is that the youth and all those who dance tango understand my reason: We do not have to dress up tango under any circumstances because this so passionate music gives us life, energy, pleasure and then makes us feel better. After so many years seeing dancers and trainers I think that there cannot be so many mistakes either in teaching or in exhibitions.

Next I shall tell you what my idea is. I always knew that music is the main basement of tango. Like also is learning to walk it with balance and cadence. I would not dare to say that there is no technique when you dance but I think that it would be much better if they taught to dance more freely, like for ourselves… there’s more fun there. Nobody can jeopardize us by watching us because we dance for ourselves.

I say that I think that many are disguising tango into something that is not true, because tango is music and you cannot start teaching steps or make the mistake of not teaching how to walk different music bars to recognize every orchestra. A lot of people that are teaching would have to learn first to dance tango in order to be able to teach giving all of themselves so not to let down their pupils or to spoil their images as educators.

Tango is not a business even though many ones think it is. Tango is a part of our life, a part of our grandparents, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters and friends. It is our life. We should not be so greatly mistaken and ought to conquer it again since we are losing it because we do not respect it.

Dear friends, female and male dancers, since this you do is one more work in your life, in order to be respectful with yourselves, it would be nice that in your exhibitions you should dance more tango and less acrobatics, ballet or any other thing different to tango.

I don’t want to think that in your exhibitions you behave as contenders; we know that each dancing team should create its own style and, furthermore, you should not dance music alien to tango. Don’t lie to yourselves or to people about that.

And for the tango community of Europe and the rest of the world I have a piece of advice: I would like that you opened your eyes about how to learn to dance and, especially, to stage organizers and trainers, sincerely, I want you to know that when something is organized you have to summon the best dancers and teachers to be able to teach correctly.

Without music, cadence, posture, and balance, steps are of no help at all and for that we need authentic instructors and teachers.

Making Music

Joined in for Beethoven's 9th "Ode to Joy" over the past 2 months with the Community Orchestra. Listening to an orchestra go full steam ahead at prestissimo x 100 was such an amazing feeling, that and the tremulous, swell of -

Seid umschlungen, Millionen! Diesen Kuss der ganzen Welt! Brüder, über'm Sternenzelt Muss ein lieber Vater wohnen. Ihr stürzt nieder, Millionen? Ahnest du den Schöpfer, Welt? Such' ihn über'm Sternenzelt! Über Sternen muss er wohnen.

Be embraced, you millions! This kiss is for the whole world! Brothers, above the canopy of stars must dwell a loving father. Do you bow down before Him, you millions? Do you sense your Creator, o world? Seek Him above the canopy of stars! He must dwell beyond the stars.

This embrace of the arts, of dance, art, music is such a trinity that deserves way more recognition than it does nowadays. 

Yet again, I find myself being more involved in communities outside of my own country, maybe being away from home really does spur me to want to seek interesting things to do, whereas home is so comfortable that I do not feel the need to do anything different.

1 month into yoga and I'm loving it! It's such a nice feeling to look inward and utilise the power of a simple stretch which makes me sweat even more than more "active" sports actually does. Maybe it's about tapping into the areas of challenge (i.e. flexibility) that triggers the body to react in such a different way. I can do a plank for ages, but chaturanga kicks my ass. Here's to triceps and abs!

And January is almost over. I think it's been a good pilot month, here's to an exciting February. 

Anonymous

Being in Singapore is kind of like being...in a Malaysian version of a Western city. But what's more important is, that I'm anonymous. I tend to end up with a completely different persona of myself whenever I'm taken out of my comfort zone, and sometimes I wonder why I do not do that when I'm in KL. Too much history?

Someone got down to the root of it when I say that I stay on weekends because I might as well make use of the time. Not really, it's more the fact that being away from home makes me so much more independent than if I were to be staying at home. Grown up? I think so.

Ann Arbor was kind of like that. Anytime I'm away from the home setting do I realise that, yes, I can survive and I'll be fine. I'm a grown up. Even if all I'm doing is pretending to be. Doesn't help that the equilibrium and rock of home has been turned upside down to the point that sometimes I wish I could just escape it all. Too many worries about the future. Too much guilt-tripping.

Sigh.

Job well done
Standing ovation
Yeah you got what you wanted
I guess you won
And I don't want to hear, they don't know you like I do
Even I could've told you
But now we're done

'Cause you play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me, you played me wrong
You ruin me

I know you thought
That I wouldn't notice
You were acting so strange
I'm not that dumb
And in the end I hope she was worth it
I don't care if you loved me, you make me numb

'Cause you play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me, you played me wrong
You ruin me

We're that song you wouldn't sing
Just a broken melody
You're killing me

You play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me you played me wrong
You ruin me

Of stepping outside Boxes

How many times do we really take a step back to see where life is now and where we want to go? Fortune favours the bold, if you don't know where you want to end up, any road will take you there, be free, chase your dreams!

Being spontaneous is a feature that society seems to put on a pedestal, but what about planning? What about goals? What about hard work? We seem so enchanted by the end story that we often dismiss the things that people have had to do to get there. Do ends really justify the means? I hope so.

3 months wrapping up the tail end of a project that I could call my own. Throwing myself into situations that would have made me seize up and freeze just a short number of years ago. Progress? I think so.

Michigan reunions seem to be in full swing this summer. Nicnocs in Sg with Dian, some ice cream, booze and boy gossip. Lulu in KL at an Entrepreneurship Forum, very yummy vegetarian food all around and Football mornings.

What next? Yes, what next indeed. Rinjani in less than a month and I cannot be more unprepared than this. Time to visit Uniqlo soon!

Also in the middle of a 2 day detox now, this is where the ends really better justify the means because it also  means I will not chew anything for 2 days straight. 

Wrapping up January

Diving in Sipadan, Diving in Phuket, +50 on 1 gambling session, 1 CNY celebration, Couple of Yee Sang times and plenty more gym and bootcamp and pole dancing. Good start to the year.

Perspective

Today's newspaper highlighted that the Hubble Space Telescope had managed to see further into the past than ever before. It peered into deepspace and told us of a past that is close to unfathomable to me. Which then got me thinking about why we're even on earth. This shift of perspective outward, far beyond my own being, into the How's and Why's. We seem to have answers for the How's, but as for Why we're here...well, that's an answer that has driven countless conflicts in this world. Just pause for a second, forget that stupid analysis you were meant to be doing and just think. Ever fibre of who you are today was a genetic lottery, a mashup of stars and a big bang. So they say. Will we ever know?

Makes you go, why? Why does this work I do even matter? In the perspective of the eternal universe, does it really matter?!

The fascinating thing is the amount of conflict life has given us. The religious fanatics refuse to believe anything hard science has proven while hard science stubbornly clings on to its facts and figures, neglecting the fundamental core, of answering the why. Why us? Why this conscience? What's the point?

It is a weird sensation. All these greater questions about life and all I can think about on a daily basis is what is for lunch...wasted intelligence man.

Anyway, a few days ago I was thinking about things as usual and I started thinking about this. I started thinking about who I was as a person. I've always felt that, when we're younger we feel the pressures of conforming (or not) to a certain type, taking on your favourite singer or idol of any kind and acting out who they are as a character for yourself. Like listening to Avril Lavigne was cool, liking Complicated as a song was cool because it spoke oh so much to your life at that time. Teenage years are funny because that amount of pressure you get to try and differentiate yourself using someone famous as your avator is unseen after the period. We might look back at nostalgia at the juniors we once were and snort at what we used to think was cool, or yell spice up your life in the next decades of karaoke sessions. Every. Single. Time.

But maybe it's this. The older we get, the more we settle. Settle into a routine, settle into an identity, because we've spent all our teenage years trying to be someone else. When you hit University, you tend to mature, to figure out more where you are and where you want to be, in general. Because you've lived all these personas over the past years, and because you've tried all these different 'skins', you can almost refer to yourself back in that era as someone else.

You come to terms with who you are as person, what you believe in, what you want to be and who you want to project yourself to be. Settled. You're less compelled to feel that there's a difference between who you are and who the person you really want to be is. The older you are, the more assured you are as a person, because you've seen more and been through more to make you more certain, since you've already made the decisions to get to your current state. It's this realisation that hey, shit happens, life is chaos, work will always be stressful, so just set it all aside and enjoy the moments that make you smile, laugh and feel alive.

On other notes, I started writing my daily 'Thankful for...' notes again. There are currently mini bumps on my forearms which means bootcamp is back in fullswing, and I am super sleep deprived which means my roster of activities is on a roll. Also my feet hurt as always which means Tango is back on with a  vengeance. And in 6 days I will be frolicking among whales in the deep blue sea and being lulled to sleep by crashing waves. Yes Please!!!

Resolutions 2014

Oh gosh. Here's 2013's review.

1) Be able to do a handstand-Failed
2) Pick up a new sport/activity-Failed
3) Participate in a half marathon-improve upon 2:33! Goal 2:20-Failed
4) Say yes more-Maybe?
5) Drop a waist size-Failed
6) Join tennis competitions-Failed
7) Cook more-twice a week dinner!-Sorta
8) Do a Tango Performance-Failed
9) Sub hour 10k-SUCCESS!

Wah lau, so I'll give myself more discount for this year given all the chaos. Let's try again...

2014 Resolutions

1) Travel to new places for Tango
2) Take up pole dancing
3) 80% Bootcamp attendance
4) Learn how to code
5) Do a performance
6) Consistent article writing
7) Study for GMAT
8) Be more spontaneous

New beginnings

This was my entry of my very first job 3 years ago

Of golf courses and financial models

I spent today traipsing around a golf course. In heels. Michelle Wie was somewhere in the vicinity. I now know that water retention is very important in a golf course and that people often don't really know what they are doing. Good god now THAT is scary.

Still adjusting, can't believe it's only second week. Uncovering more insights, nice bunch of people. See where this takes me.

 

3 years on and I find myself at yet another client site adjusting. Work is the same, what's different is the system behind it and the people.

 

Who knew that 3 years on my ex-colleagues would become the family that I would call on when I need support, entertainment, motivation. Now let's mark this as the new entry.

 

We'll see where this takes me then =).

Elections

It's funny how things can change in my short lifetime. From having an opposition that was derided, viewed at with suspicion and generally outcast, there seems to be a renewal and rebirth of sorts, and the internet has no small part to play in this.

Plenty of rumours flying about yesterday, rumours of tear-gas, of rioting, of conflict, anger, pain. Even a death, but this one probably more related to overeating cholestral laden Malaysian food than martyrdom. We all turned into Lord Varys, passing statements from whatsapp to facebook to twitter. It's easy though to hide behind the anonymity of the web, it takes another level to face FRU, teargas and the possibility of being injured.

So what next? Let's not forget what this one day meant to us, like Malaysia every so often making it onto a world stage, let's not allow these sentiments to fade into our tidak apa-lackadaisical (love that word) attitude that we carry until someone nudges us to wake up and, blurry-eyed and sleep deprived on a weekend, do we wander over and complete whatever task it is that we do in the name of citizenship.

Let's hold them accountable. Really. Because in a time where governments of other countries seem to have come to dead ends, we seem to be just beginning our journey. Make it worthwhile.

Create...and delete

There are times where you find yourself lost in your own thoughts and memories and it's hard to get unstuck from one particular thing that has been playing on your mind for too long. Too long.

Lacuna? Where are you?

I've dropped some threads recently, sometimes it's hard to keep in touch when the people you keep constantly want to be in touch with just don't bother. But I do it with the thought that I've known them long enough that when we DO get back in touch it'll be like slipping into a comfortable second skin-no questions, just answers.

In other (happier) notions, full stack of Game of Thrones to read. Omg. Addicted.

A Letter to 2012

Hi 2012,

Dragon year, 24. The year the world would end supposedly. You started out so nice, a pool-side read with the Hobbit and book-ended with the Hobbit Part 1 movie at the end of the year. You were a year I wanted to seize, to capture and to note down every key event possible. A year for me to never say no, but rather be spontaneous and do things. Things that would look good on film, that would be dug out over and over again as memories of a 'time that used to be'. Whether it be sneaking on creaking balconies ninja-style at 2 am in the morning, weekend sojourns to luxury Bali estates, eating the best Gelato in the world under the shadows of monomental millenia old buildings, diving at temple of the seas'. I went around the world and back and had a great time all around.

I was sad you were leaving me really, at the cusp of the end I didn't know how to set goals anymore, I didn't know 'what next'. I wanted something different for this year, but I realized, hey, why don't I just continue what I've been doing. There really are moments that don't need anything changing, moments that are so spontaneous that all you can do is make sure you create the right circumstances for them to happen again. Like saying yes to almost everything.

Growth. That word would sum you up. Growth and challenges.

Goodbye. I will miss you, however I also know that you were a prototype of sorts. What next, what next indeed.

x

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming 'WOO HOO what a ride!'"
-Hunter S. Thompson 

Now 2012, what shall I do with you?

1) Get promoted
2) Run a half marathon
3) Travel to someplace new
4) Kick bootcamp ass!
5) Keep saving money!  
DONE!

Wishes for 2013...

...for moments of utter joy
...for travels and seeing new lands
...for peace and calm
...for the safety of family and good health
...for setting and achieving goals
...for good times with good friends

Turning of clocks are nothing but human inventions. But still, renewal for a new year and goals to set.Thank you 2012-my Dragon year, you healed my soul and showed me how life could be lived if I chose it to be. On to even better things!

2013 Resolutions

In a bid to create ACTIONABLE resolutions, with an actual plan to get to it...(partly inspired by http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/) especially:

"The human mind is a miracle, and you will never see it spring more beautifully into action than when it is fighting against evidence that it needs to change. Your psyche is equipped with layer after layer of defense mechanisms designed to shoot down anything that might keep things from staying exactly where they are -- ask any addict."

These are my 2013 resolutions:

1) Be able to do a handstand
2) Pick up a new sport/activity
3) Participate in a half marathon-improve upon 2:33! Goal 2:20....
4) Say yes more
5) Drop a waist size
6) Join tennis competitions
7) Cook more-twice a week dinner!
8) Do a Tango Performance
9) Sub hour 10k

Strumming a major chord

When we talk about the people we no longer know, we do it timidly because we’re prone to remembering things better than they were, because we know we’re saying all of the right words to the wrong ears, because we never really knew our strangers to begin with — a truth our hearts can only acknowledge in the quietest and smallest of voices

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/how-we-talk-about-the-people-we-dont-know-anymore/


It's connecting the past with a present and then realizing that the connection to the past has already been lost to the sands of time. That really is what letting go is all about.

And I'm missing that thawing, renewal of warmth when walking out in a thin-ner jacket is acceptable and fingers and toes no longer freeze and lectures are acceptably missed for a sit out in the diag and coffee at Sweetwaters with a book and a slice of marvelous cake.

Silences

Say goodbye to me. Realize that we'll never share thoughts the way we once did again. Say goodbye to the perfection of simplicity, of acting on feelings, of sporadic hugs, to easy conversations.

Find that space, that moment before the ball hits your racquet, where it is an orb floating in the sky, large, full moons. Find that space where you are concentrating on a lead for the move, that split second of knowing without thinking. That is what you're looking for.

Musings

One thing that starting a job and moving past the eduction system has taught me is that, beyond the boundaries of school-primary, secondary and Uni- there exists a world that doesn't care what grade you got, doesn't care what you've done up to that point in time, doesn't care of your past achievement, but cares about what you are going to do. Right now.

Grades stand as markers of achievement, as a signalling effect that you can achieve high standards and you will be held accountable to that. Every job creates a new slate-albeit with expectations from higher ups-but above all, the challenge should be to yourself and no one else. Set your own goals and tick the list one by one.

Somehow it's November already. Where has this year gone? The variety of subjects that I've covered this year has been rather astounding, as is the ease at which I forget information nowadays, because sometimes you just cannot, cannot, cannot care too deeply about everything w/o killing yourself in the process.

The depth of musing that occurred over the last stretch of senior year has been replaced by rather mundane worries-a daily trudge of sort that is alleviated by catching up with colleagues, the people who determine how smoothly your forehead will look, or how etched with stress it is going to be.

But thankfully it's been a blast-support support!

Also good bday with friends around, grown exponentially from last years birthday for sure-thankful to have everyone in the same spot for awhile at least. Transitions, all the time.

Also an ability to make friends quickly, to project your best face forward that is not hampered by teenage drama and gossip. It doesn't really change, no, you still get your stereotypes in the real world, but at least this time you're not trapped in the ecosystem of school for years on end.

I'm kinda liking this grown up messiness =).

So why?

Sitting in a booth at Shivz, one of the waiters asked me what I liked about Tango with quite a mystified look on his face as I was waiting for Ogie to finish his first class. I didn't know how to enunciate the way that this dance made me feel, or why it drew me in, thinking about it myself, it's still hard to really put into words, 'why tango?'

Maybe I'd have to bring him back to September 2009 where a very harried me was running from Sushi dinner at Miki's, to the Union Ballroom on a end-of-summer weather night in Ann Arbor, post swimming. Entering the vast ballroom with flipflops and being asked to walk backward isn't really a good combo for Tango.

Or then the next week, learning about Ochos for the very first time in the cafe on the ground floor of the Union and meeting Phillip.

Or continuous lessons in 3rd floor Mason hall with the wonderful people from Mtango.

Or first milongas in Novembers with bubble tea at hand and darkened Vitosh Guest House.

Or Fire&Ice noobs and practicas and milongas where all one could do is stare in astonishment at the talent on show.

Or Triangulo on a May night in NYC with old New Yorkers with stories to tell.

Or last milongas at the Phoenix Center post Indian makans and giggles.

Or flying back to the root of it all 11 months post graduation, back to where it all began, back to Tango with the old guards.

All the leaders who have taught me so much, and the followers who are there for gossip, entertainment, makans.

How do I sum that all up to him? All I said was, it was a great dance =). That is all.

Back

You know what's funny? Reading back on my 8 yr long posts I realize my writing really has changed. Guess its a reflection of maturity =S, though I honestly still feel way too young sometimes.

But yeah, she's back =).

Wrapping it up with a big fat red bow: 2010

So 2010 came and almost went. 3 weeks to the start of a new year and where am I?

January: Year got off to a great start with 10 mins to go and stuck in an NYC club coat check-in line with drunken asians. Oh boy, marvelous. Couple that with some drunk guy attempting to take off my glasses (should I have been insulted) and a marvelous bruise after slipping in the bath rendering me unable to open my jaw without the right side of my head hurting + a 12 hour overnight bus ride from NYC-Michigan with Fujianese people and changing vehicles at dodgy petrol stations in Ohio. Right. Couple that with a Toshiba laptop that refused to charge.

Got back, decided to screw it all after one 1.5 hr session of classical chinese and went ahead to register myself under reduced course load. Best decision, EVER.

February: Mostly passed in a blur of classes and typical everyday living, jacked up for SB in Cancun. Oh and more Tango.

March: Post SB blues, realizing graduation was looming and a month with no midterms. Choreographed ribbon dance for final Malaysia night performance. A $100 parking ticket, St Patrick's Day and the Arb at 3am. Memories.

April: Attempt to fight time passing, decide it is fruitless. Amazing times with randomers from Tango, Unicycling/studying and the last classes of my educational career.

May: Graduation and saying goodbyes! Travels and more chaos.

June: 2 day flight and back to Malaysia. Absolute chaos.

July: Sleep. Eat. Prep. Sleep. Eat. Prep. Sleep. Eat. Prep. Sleep. Eat. Prep.

August: Interview. Interview. Rejection. Argh.

September: Interview. Interview. Hired! Travel.

October: Work. Work. Work. ARGH. Work. Beginners luck + roulette

November: Work. Work. Work. Wind down. Phew.

December: Entertaining times with friends back and a toast to the end of the year.


Now 2011, what are you going to shove in my face next?