Purgatory

I'm fighting a lot of inner demons recently but I'm sure I'll come out the stronger of it eventually.

Just to keep stock of what's going on:

1) Tango weekend next weekend with Wesak day+Tangoblitz starting on Thursday + Chinese Tea Ceremony on Saturday!
2) Skytrex + Wedding
3) Singapore with Lulu!
4) 2 week Europe Vacay
5) Stanchart Marathon
6) Melaka Wedding
7) Shanghai

This will last me the next 2 months. Chaos & Fun, here I come!

Elections

It's funny how things can change in my short lifetime. From having an opposition that was derided, viewed at with suspicion and generally outcast, there seems to be a renewal and rebirth of sorts, and the internet has no small part to play in this.

Plenty of rumours flying about yesterday, rumours of tear-gas, of rioting, of conflict, anger, pain. Even a death, but this one probably more related to overeating cholestral laden Malaysian food than martyrdom. We all turned into Lord Varys, passing statements from whatsapp to facebook to twitter. It's easy though to hide behind the anonymity of the web, it takes another level to face FRU, teargas and the possibility of being injured.

So what next? Let's not forget what this one day meant to us, like Malaysia every so often making it onto a world stage, let's not allow these sentiments to fade into our tidak apa-lackadaisical (love that word) attitude that we carry until someone nudges us to wake up and, blurry-eyed and sleep deprived on a weekend, do we wander over and complete whatever task it is that we do in the name of citizenship.

Let's hold them accountable. Really. Because in a time where governments of other countries seem to have come to dead ends, we seem to be just beginning our journey. Make it worthwhile.

Teachings

It's been entertaining having new people join in for Tango, because it allows me again and again to retrace the steps from the beginning, from recreating (as much as possible) that earnest-ness that comes with trying to do what is now simple, but was terribly hard to begin with.

Someone (or a few people) have told me that I'm dedicated, and anyone who hears my weekly schedule often questions my sanity. Two words can thrown around. "Why?" and "How?".

The "How" is easily addressed, just cut into your sleep hours and maximize your nights. Simple enough. Before I started work, I could not imagine being shackled to a chair for most of the daylight hours, however, the longer I work, the more I realize how much of a routine it has become. What's most important though, is just letting go, every day. I often find stepping away from a problem, from tasks and coming back to them refreshed the next day makes it so much easy to accomplish and in far more efficient time as well. "How", is about maximizing your hours, about constantly telling yourself that, if not now, then when?

The "Why" is a bit more troubling to explain, and cuts a bit deeper. The "Why" sometimes is because I don't want to be left alone. The "Why" is about sometimes feeling inadequete, this deep-seated feeling that everyone else is charging ahead and you're left immobile as the world rushes around you. It's always feeling like you're 'missing out' on something. There's a whole world of difference between being alone, and being lonely, and sometimes it tips just too much in the favour of the latter.