Thought

Do people's past matter? Or is it more prudent to consider who they are with you now? Maybe you survey them wondering about their heartbreaks, about the people that make them laugh, about the people that taught them how to trust. There's always questions, but not necessarily answers.

A post about nothing much

It's been a strange week. Got loads to think about and it isn't helping that GMAT is nxt week too. Not as if I really care at this point.

I'm kinda exhausted, with routine, with life at this point. But I'm also scared of leaving, just. because.

Maybe for once in my life I'm happy with where I am. Right now. Right here. With the melody playing in the background, I shut my eyes. And fall.

Life. Sublime.

It's amazing...How I turn my head and lose it all.

It's unnerving...How just one move puts me by myself.

Ladybugs. Lots and lots of ladybugs.
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes
Would you choose water over wine
Hold the wheel and drive

Witches of Eastwick

No, I am positive that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. This afternoon, you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even added some new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid. You have no taste, no sense of humor and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick.

Scared

Seems like the blogging urge always happens when I'm pass the point of delirious exhaustion. When I'm curled up in bed under my covers and chatting away with people both in my timezone and 12 hrs ahead of me, across half the world.

What can I say. I'm scared. Terrified of growing up and doing the things that I know I have to do. I've grown in ways I never knew I could, yet at this point more than any other I feel so young. I spend most of these past college years wondering who I was, and finally it seems I've settled, but I can feel the current changing yet again.

I've said it before, that perhaps its because I'm so close to the end of this chapter that I'm giving it my all. That if I don't do it now, when will I ever? Maybe it's suitable that I'm in this mindframe at this point of life because it wouldn't have fit any other time. Ever.

I've always been bemused, even when I was younger, I always felt older and maybe for once who I want to be has actually coincided with who I am. No, I'm not shisha overdosed. It's the truth.

Friends. Have had many amazing groups of friends and always I find myself connected, laughing over things. We all were once strangers, but over time the bonds have been forged. Charlie's with 2 pounds of fries and 2 fishbowls of iced tea with side dressing of gossip. Ah. We'll all move on, but for now life is perfect.

Is there such a thing as being too happy? Does the cosmos finally decide to pull the rug from under you, just when you think you have it all. I don't know. But for now, life will just go on.

So even though yesterday I got a $100 ticket for parking in the handicap spot. Even though I was quite stressed over YHO stuff, it was ok. Life was ok, because I didn't take things to heart. That's the difference between old me and new me. Today, the sun was shining, I ran errands. Absorbed life as it is right now.

Stargazing

Arb at 3am is...very cold. Just realized its called Arboretum not Arbotereum as I've been calling it. Learn new things every day.

Being taken out of your comfort zone is nice. Disconcerting. But nice.

SB spillover

Oh I do wish I were in London right now instead of sitting in AA attempting to study for my GMAT.

4 hours that determines in part where you end up for an MBA. What shit.
Another semi-productive day spent sitting in Sweetwaters with my girlies studying. I love coffeeshop hangout days. Much less distracting than sitting at home where the bed and TV are. After this week its intensive GMAT-ing until it's all over. I'm attempting to motivate myself by reminding myself that its $250 that I'm wasting on this exam so it better be one heck of an attempt at it.

Had MCN yesterday, after chaotic rehearsals on friday and saturday, the actual performances wasn't w/o its glitches as well, but all in all, we had <3. Plenty of it. Went for Milonga after which was fun stuff! Best yet.

Highlights of the week:

-Loads and loads of coffee
-Loads and loads of dancing, Tango+Ribbon
-Getting semi-picked up by Saferide driver. LOL.
-Got an amazing milonga
-Hang out times
-Marvelous weather.

Back to reality.

Deadlines approaching, and I want them here, yet I don't because that just means I'm all the more closer to graduation. I'm scared. Been reminiscing over freshman yr memories and it just reminds me how in 3 short years we've all really matured. From laundry noobs to semi-professional cooks (kinda), we've learnt how to brave the wilderness of semi-adulthood/independence. Or at least we've just been doing a lot more illegal stuff. =P.

It's like a perfect dream I have to wake up from.

Life doesn't need a road all the time, I'll pave it as I go.

Endorphin High

Waking up for a decently early run to North Campus was a great idea. Firstly coz it got me off my ass and exercising, secondly coz it made me wake up earlier and thirdly coz I'm now basking in post workout endorphin rush. Just went to Sweetwaters, got pics of the fairydoor which was rather anticlimatic. Carrot cake was good, Monkeycap was pretty good too, all in all a fair 8/10 I would give it.

Dress rehearsal in an hour and perhaps some practica tonight. Big day tomorrow =). Why can't all weekends be like this?

Saturated

It's been a coffee and danced filled week. Starbucks, Comet. Omg, I tasted jasmine notes in Fareza's coffee! That was amazing.

The weather has really changed moods, for sure. It was warm enough to go out in a cardigan tonight which is such a refreshing change!

Started intermediate with the Argentine Tango Club. I didn't like the teachers as much, but I definitely feel its a lot more technical and the plus side is that it does draw more people so that practica was much more fun coz I got more dances. It's funny because about 6 months ago I was the person sitting at the side wondering when I would be able to dance like some of the dancers, and now I'm the one who's getting looked at. Amazing.

Temporary high for now. Booked parents' flights and all, looking forward to grad, but also quite sad coz I'm leaving this part of the world that I've made my life for 3 short years. Seems like a lifetime though. I've definitely made amazing friends for life. But it's also strengthened my bonds with those from back home, who I know for sure now will be part of my life for a long time more to come.

Sunshowers

Sunshine followed back from Cancun. Funny how our moods are so tied to weather. Perhaps the greatest obstacle is being quite this optimistic when it's raining cats and dogs outside.

Off to Starbucks then gymming, wooo double dose of endorphins! I'm gna max out the weights today.

Nothing Else Matters

I think there's always s*** to deal with in life. And most of the time its caused by people. I've probably come to the point where I can truly say eff it all and do what I will. This doesn't mean that I'm going to be selfish, it just means that I have to look out for my own mental wellbeing over others. There are certain people I would die for and there are certain people that I would rather single handedly murder. Figuratively of course.

But yes, maybe at this point in life the lines are blurred just enough. I've always been someone who holds grudges, as though I were weighing up pros and cons, tallying up both sides of the argument. Maybe in the end all that matters is that you learn to let go.

Crossroads

There are certain people in the world who teach you that it's ok to be different in some quirky way. That attributes we dismiss as being undesirable often come paired with the most imaginative, inspiring and ultimately heartfelt personalities. That taking chances and not caring about what others think, instead, focusing on what you feel is the only way life should be lived. Too often we barricade ourselves behind masks of insecurity and doubt, too afraid to go against the norm but ever searching for something missing within us.

Sometimes we feel we should find this in others, maybe that's why we want to believe in things such as soulmates. But perhaps the way to look is within yourself and nobody else.