Restless

Sometimes I wish classes were still on, because then I feel that you really appreciate the freedom of time just that much more.

I should be packing up the kitchen, taking care of the million and one things that need to be taken care of. But I can't bring myself to even start. Of course, knowing the panicky me that I often turn into, there's not much point packing up the kitchen just yet because I'm still using a lot of the things, and I guess packing can be done in a day.

I just can't bring myself to tear down the pictures from the walls yet. Because then I'll really be leaving. Maybe my mind's already back home, and all I'm doing here is walking through the motions. Seem to have lost a lot of motivation as this year's gone on. Plenty of people have told me I should be taking that well deserved rest, but problem is I really don't think I've deserved it. There's so much more to life that has to be lived and I've barely done anything worth mentioning.

Lists to do.

I think its creeping into my tango. For the life of me, couldn't get some connections going, and at one point just zoned out when the teaching was going on. When you're present, but not really, present.

Isn't it funny when you appear on one front to be so happy, when really underneath there's just a seething mass of confused thought. Sometimes you grab at emotions, elated one moment, apprehensive the next. I need to lose myself in a moment again, to really savour it.