Chances throw up Choices

I think it's irony when the moment you sit down and try and focus on something akin to meditation, your mind decides to explode into riots of colours, thoughts and worries. Currently in Taipei enjoying the hotsprings at Beitou. Quite an interesting place, and geothermal springs really do smell like rotten eggs.

Slightly worried at how tired I can be i.e. tired after 4 hours of going out and being able to conk out in bed after breakfast.

Finishing reading Eat, Pray, Love and I absolutely loved it. God, I'm turning into one of those middle age women searching for life's answers at 22. Why can't I be normal and worry bout nothing but money, clubbing and getting drunk. Hah. Mainly because that was never me and never will be me. Her thoughts on meditation were pretty enlightening though, but anytime I read that and think about whether I can attempt it myself, the more I realize that I probably never will be able to, just too fidgety and there's way too much out there to discover.

One foot here, one foot there. Waiting for dates in the future, then what? True, time heals all wounds, but I'll repeat again, you're always left with scars, in your memories, in your thoughts, in your dreams. A bubble of perfection that remains no where but in your conscience. A map that lies tucked into a bedside drawer, holding a certain white card that wasn't taken back, a reminder of something that was so dream like. Did 3 years really pass that fast? Was it only 2 months? Scrolling through forms and money thought and random snippets of conversation that pale to replace the very real hug. I can't say I miss you. I've somehow executed perfect snip out memory and created barriers that Freud put words to a century ago. Scientifically unproven but who ever proved the human mind. In the words of Eminem "We made you".

I gave up the fight already. Even before it started.

Sometimes I want to take this mind of mine and give it a good shake. Maybe then it'll listen.

Labels labels labels. The mind needs labels to believe it can fulfill those labels and when we don't measure up to someone else (or several others) in that label then we drop that bloody label. Or it comes when we cannot stomach being labeled that anymore. What's your label?

I don't know what it is that I miss anymore.