Maybe

2 hours to the start of my final final.

4 hours to freedom.

Oh help.

Gut wrenching nervousness. Feels like the times before I step onto a diving block. Before I hear the warning "Awas" and the shrill whistle. Before I cut through the freezing water. Before adrenaline kicks in.

*edit

Maybe all I want today is you. And me. In this moment. Now.

Mind Chatter

Sun's shining but I'm stuck indoors.

Elated that 487 went well and apparently so did 327. Notes spread left right center. Mess. Rewind the clock 5 years and it's the same story. Rewind it 4, 3, 2, 1. It's like a flipbook.

One more. 48 hours. 600 pages. Here we go.

More importantly, what to wear to graduation!

*edit
134/150, 47/50, 4mile/45 minutes.

Shower + Scrub. Lunar moons and astrological signs. Yes you can goddamnit, yes you can!

Fluctuating between confusion, trepidation, insane-ness and sheer giving up.

Boys are confusing creatures.

Monochrome

It's been sometime since I've done any photo posts.

I like my funky effects on my camera. Well yet again what can I say, mugging in the library til 1am day in and day out. Half the time not really being productive and not getting into the mood until about 11:00pm or so. God I fail at studying. Sometimes I think all it is, is a signalling effect, that i.e. because you were in the library therefore you got things done and you did your best already.

All my past posts have been about endings and coming to terms with it. But really, all these points we set for ourselves are sooo arbitrary in nature aren't they? (This is me trying to convince myself yet again that my mind should be living in the present and not shooting off to June).

For now, I have license to go mad for the next 3 days.

I'm scared. I'm scared because I've always been in control, but somehow lately the rug has been pulled from under me. At no point in time have I been so happy, yet so lost. Maybe that's just it, I'll never be satisfied. Relationships leave you so vulnerable because you give someone a piece of yourself and expect them to take care of it. Compromise, a balance of wills and wants compounded by irrational emotion. Isn't it easier knowing someone less so that they remain nothing more than potentials for your imagination rather than reality? Its a see-saw that strives to equalize.

Ah, youth

Reading the old xanga posts brought me back to another era. If I could go back to the old me I would tell her to stop worrying and things fall into place naturally. Oh, and take up Tango sooner.

But of course we can never move backward, only forward. Plus I have all these theories about cosmic intervention and how changing a bit of the past veers you to a new future. But I digress, after all we can never change the past. Reading someone's blog about leaving home for the States for the first time. Makes me smile because looking back at the tail end of this journey, I can safely say I've grown. Brings back memories of my own leaving, but as always summer proves to be a hassle since people tend to be away or have set off already so it didn't hit me that hard. It seems like a lifetime ago but really its been slightly less than 3 years.

I've made a 2nd home here, but always with the thought that it all will end. One day. This year has been hurtling toward this point and I've had pleasant surprises along the way. Scrap that, amazing surprises. It's true that the ladybirds land when you no longer expect them to.

You always learn to resettle. Always. Things might seem unbearable at first but time really does change things, erases the bad, leaves the good.

The power of Tan Hong Ming

This post shall be completed after my 327 paper.

I always seem to be doing random crap before settling into revision. sigh. Last day of classes today. Hasn't hit me yet. Kinda relieved.

*Edit

"Tan what ah...Tan ah ming? Tan..tan..omg wat the hell"

This is what happens when you're trying to remember Yasmin Ahmad commercials after too much food/alcohol and at 1am in the morning. But I digress. We watched that clip about 3 times at Jose's and Steve was so taken by it he posted it up the next day and it soon drew quite a bit of attention. Us back home might understand the message that lies behind the commercial but for many, it's pretty intriguing to attempt to understand Malaysia's racial politics.

But more so, Tan Hong Ming rocks as an epic love story. Staged. Sure, but what the heck, who wouldn't fall in love with the skinny typical Chinese primary school boy discovering that his crush likes him for the very first time. There's nothing to it. We're all like that inside, he just expresses it because he hasn't learned about the filters that age puts on you.

It's still funny how we can all relate.

I like

I like waking up in the morning to your sleeping face.

Last 461 lesson, 3rd last lecture of my undergrad year. Final 2 weeks of exams, presuming I never do an MBA.
God. I need last motivations.