I like my funky effects on my camera. Well yet again what can I say, mugging in the library til 1am day in and day out. Half the time not really being productive and not getting into the mood until about 11:00pm or so. God I fail at studying. Sometimes I think all it is, is a signalling effect, that i.e. because you were in the library therefore you got things done and you did your best already.
All my past posts have been about endings and coming to terms with it. But really, all these points we set for ourselves are sooo arbitrary in nature aren't they? (This is me trying to convince myself yet again that my mind should be living in the present and not shooting off to June).
For now, I have license to go mad for the next 3 days.
I'm scared. I'm scared because I've always been in control, but somehow lately the rug has been pulled from under me. At no point in time have I been so happy, yet so lost. Maybe that's just it, I'll never be satisfied. Relationships leave you so vulnerable because you give someone a piece of yourself and expect them to take care of it. Compromise, a balance of wills and wants compounded by irrational emotion. Isn't it easier knowing someone less so that they remain nothing more than potentials for your imagination rather than reality? Its a see-saw that strives to equalize.
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