I'll tell you what it's like.
It's like being dropped into a vat of boiling hot water with every scar possible burst open and rubbed in with lemonsalt while you drown slowly, meanwhile keeping all emotions possible in check as you hear things you once thought you'd be ok to face and seizing every emotion you feel at that time, chucking it into the deepest corner of your mind in an attempt to function somewhat normally before dreading all the emotions that you thought you had finally beaten back with a wooden stick bubbling back up to the forefront of your mind like a torturous shredding of memories over and over again.
That's what it's like.
聽你 狠狠的哭
讓我 走我的路
你現在了解 我多苦
你可要永遠 記住
愛你 不是錯誤
恨你 不是覺悟
我不要回憶 誰在乎
我們把一切 結束
愛是假如 不是幸福 我比你清楚
我要你 掉著眼淚
說你假如 能回到最初
我卻說 不
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Is it time yet?
Only another day, just another day. If one did not know better it'd just be another saturday, but man creates clocks from time immemorial to keep track of their mortality. And here we go, the start of yet another year, but are you ready?
Just because the dates on calenders flash 1-1-11 do we suddenly achieve some magical powers of rejuvenation, set once again to face our demons, our goals, our fears. We say this year will be different, I will shed everything from before and start anew somehow, but it takes alot to see it through. The year may throw so many things yet unforeseen at us and the past always seems so much more comfortable, like...a comfy blanket when it's -20 outside, or hot chocolate on a rainy day when you sit ruminating life. I miss that aspect of student life, the worried studying and all, because I am just that much of a workaholic.
But no use looking back, time waits for no man, or woman. Forge ahead, reconnect, create new memories and never regret.
Just because the dates on calenders flash 1-1-11 do we suddenly achieve some magical powers of rejuvenation, set once again to face our demons, our goals, our fears. We say this year will be different, I will shed everything from before and start anew somehow, but it takes alot to see it through. The year may throw so many things yet unforeseen at us and the past always seems so much more comfortable, like...a comfy blanket when it's -20 outside, or hot chocolate on a rainy day when you sit ruminating life. I miss that aspect of student life, the worried studying and all, because I am just that much of a workaholic.But no use looking back, time waits for no man, or woman. Forge ahead, reconnect, create new memories and never regret.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Finale
Browsing the papers today brought a tinge of nostalgia. 2000-2010 was effectively the years that I was aware of things happening in the world and a growing understanding of how I fit into it and how I want to chart the next couple of decades of life. Effectively, the start of this century were the years of growth, mentally and physically, the teenage years. It's fitting that I finish all my studies at the wrap up of this decade and embark upon a career that who knows where will end.
Looking at the events of the past years, it's funny how the only way I remember certain events happening are by placing myself in the context of where I was when that event seemed all consuming. Drama class yr 8 for 9/11, Yr 11 end for London 7/7 bombings, Harry Potter Book 7 07/07/07 final yr of high school, Sichuan Earthquake during a fundraiser at Ann Arbor, Avatar screening for the Haiti Earthquake, sitting in Penang learning bout Yasmin Ahmad's death, YHO meeting for learning that Heath Ledger had died and so on and so forth. Events that seem so long ago yet were just mere years ago.
Resolution time!
1) Develop in the job
2) Keep up fitness levels and run a marathon
3) Continue Tango
4) Save Money
5) Keep up friendships
Simple. I'm quite content really.
Looking at the events of the past years, it's funny how the only way I remember certain events happening are by placing myself in the context of where I was when that event seemed all consuming. Drama class yr 8 for 9/11, Yr 11 end for London 7/7 bombings, Harry Potter Book 7 07/07/07 final yr of high school, Sichuan Earthquake during a fundraiser at Ann Arbor, Avatar screening for the Haiti Earthquake, sitting in Penang learning bout Yasmin Ahmad's death, YHO meeting for learning that Heath Ledger had died and so on and so forth. Events that seem so long ago yet were just mere years ago.
Resolution time!
1) Develop in the job
2) Keep up fitness levels and run a marathon
3) Continue Tango
4) Save Money
5) Keep up friendships
Simple. I'm quite content really.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Wrapping it up with a big fat red bow: 2010
January: Year got off to a great start with 10 mins to go and stuck in an NYC club coat check-in line with drunken asians. Oh boy, marvelous. Couple that with some drunk guy attempting to take off my glasses (should I have been insulted) and a marvelous bruise after slipping in the bath rendering me unable to open my jaw without the right side of my head hurting + a 12 hour overnight bus ride from NYC-Michigan with Fujianese people and changing vehicles at dodgy petrol stations in Ohio. Right. Couple that with a Toshiba laptop that refused to charge.
Got back, decided to screw it all after one 1.5 hr session of classical chinese and went ahead to register myself under reduced course load. Best decision, EVER.
February: Mostly passed in a blur of classes and typical everyday living, jacked up for SB in Cancun. Oh and more Tango.
March: Post SB blues, realizing graduation was looming and a month with no midterms. Choreographed ribbon dance for final Malaysia night performance. A $100 parking ticket, St Patrick's Day and the Arb at 3am. Memories.
April: Attempt to fight time passing, decide it is fruitless. Amazing times with randomers from Tango, Unicycling/studying and the last classes of my educational career.
May: Graduation and saying goodbyes! Travels and more chaos.
June: 2 day flight and back to Malaysia. Absolute chaos.
July: Sleep. Eat. Prep. Sleep. Eat. Prep. Sleep. Eat. Prep. Sleep. Eat. Prep.
August: Interview. Interview. Rejection. Argh.
September: Interview. Interview. Hired! Travel.
October: Work. Work. Work. ARGH. Work. Beginners luck + roulette
November: Work. Work. Work. Wind down. Phew.
December: Entertaining times with friends back and a toast to the end of the year.
Now 2011, what are you going to shove in my face next?
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Boundaries & Awareness
If there's anything that I've ever chided myself for it's the sometimes narrow-mindedness view of life that seems to be the status quo for my thoughts. Things that we learn in Econs about being risk adverse seem to describe me to the T in a sense that I can barely plan about life for the future because the uncertainty and the possibility I might jinx it all drives me a little nuts.
In order to reorient my thought process to something that is a little more open to surprises I start to think about how things have developed in the past couple of years. Thing is, history is every changing and often we don't know about occurrences in the presence til they become documented in the past. Therefore, if we are already so lost about the present, how then can we ever assume to predict the future?
It is kinda interested though to realize how things really do change, normalities change, habits change, paradigms change. Not even talking about scientific theories here, just general LIFE. The way we get from place to place, the way we communicate. I often think, what does this century mean in the long span of human development, a lot? Awareness would be the key catalyst of it all. An awareness of self, of the world, of history and a documentation of it all in forms. Of course the paradox remains that the more we know, the more we realize we don't know.
For example, before flying became an option, sailing was the only way to get across the oceans. Land locked and having modes of transportation that could only go so far in the constraint of time, we were limited to a sphere of influence that extended only so far. Nowadays we don't need to move from our seats to have our minds blown away by things that exist and are only brought to our attention about its existence all this time, in the span of a few minutes and with the magical properties of google.
It's interesting.
In order to reorient my thought process to something that is a little more open to surprises I start to think about how things have developed in the past couple of years. Thing is, history is every changing and often we don't know about occurrences in the presence til they become documented in the past. Therefore, if we are already so lost about the present, how then can we ever assume to predict the future?
It is kinda interested though to realize how things really do change, normalities change, habits change, paradigms change. Not even talking about scientific theories here, just general LIFE. The way we get from place to place, the way we communicate. I often think, what does this century mean in the long span of human development, a lot? Awareness would be the key catalyst of it all. An awareness of self, of the world, of history and a documentation of it all in forms. Of course the paradox remains that the more we know, the more we realize we don't know.
For example, before flying became an option, sailing was the only way to get across the oceans. Land locked and having modes of transportation that could only go so far in the constraint of time, we were limited to a sphere of influence that extended only so far. Nowadays we don't need to move from our seats to have our minds blown away by things that exist and are only brought to our attention about its existence all this time, in the span of a few minutes and with the magical properties of google.
It's interesting.
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