Writings and musings

I often lose the will to want to write. Consulting does that to you when you have to form incoherent sentences to drive a point across. But sometimes, certain inspirations drag out of me the need to want to verbalise or frame what I have in mind about life. I find Tango does the talking for me nowadays though. I don't need to write, I just need to express.

It's been a crazy project in Dubai, highs and lows, tears, anger and fears all manifested into one big mess.

Always feel like I am at the beginning. Traipsing around a golf course during an LPGA championship.

Friendship

Tango to me has always been about friendship.

It's about the times in a dusty classroom where english classes, stata classes, chinese culture classes give way to awkward shuffling around the floor. Where seats with attached tables become our vantage points at a 11pm practica on a Friday evening.

Where people meet, mingle, learn across all ages and all types, be it from healthcare, engineering, economics, professors, students, professionals and everyone in between.

Where late night mamak's post Friday evening regular milongas give way to conspiracy theories amidst the running rats around the drains and trees of Kay-el's messy streets.

When in a foreign land, you make friends immediately, by first, embracing strangers. Leading to night rides in brake-less cars and four women yelling directions to an unheeding gentleman bent on driving the route he wants to take.

When you have the last embraces on the floor, knowing you will see them again somewhere in this connected, weird and wonderful friendship of the love of Tango, its music, and its people.

Tete Rusconi’s open letter
Let us learn to dance Tango
Today January 9, 2006 I would like to ask you something with all the love and respect I have for you all. This is not a reproach against anyone, what I want is that the youth and all those who dance tango understand my reason: We do not have to dress up tango under any circumstances because this so passionate music gives us life, energy, pleasure and then makes us feel better. After so many years seeing dancers and trainers I think that there cannot be so many mistakes either in teaching or in exhibitions.

Next I shall tell you what my idea is. I always knew that music is the main basement of tango. Like also is learning to walk it with balance and cadence. I would not dare to say that there is no technique when you dance but I think that it would be much better if they taught to dance more freely, like for ourselves… there’s more fun there. Nobody can jeopardize us by watching us because we dance for ourselves.

I say that I think that many are disguising tango into something that is not true, because tango is music and you cannot start teaching steps or make the mistake of not teaching how to walk different music bars to recognize every orchestra. A lot of people that are teaching would have to learn first to dance tango in order to be able to teach giving all of themselves so not to let down their pupils or to spoil their images as educators.

Tango is not a business even though many ones think it is. Tango is a part of our life, a part of our grandparents, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters and friends. It is our life. We should not be so greatly mistaken and ought to conquer it again since we are losing it because we do not respect it.

Dear friends, female and male dancers, since this you do is one more work in your life, in order to be respectful with yourselves, it would be nice that in your exhibitions you should dance more tango and less acrobatics, ballet or any other thing different to tango.

I don’t want to think that in your exhibitions you behave as contenders; we know that each dancing team should create its own style and, furthermore, you should not dance music alien to tango. Don’t lie to yourselves or to people about that.

And for the tango community of Europe and the rest of the world I have a piece of advice: I would like that you opened your eyes about how to learn to dance and, especially, to stage organizers and trainers, sincerely, I want you to know that when something is organized you have to summon the best dancers and teachers to be able to teach correctly.

Without music, cadence, posture, and balance, steps are of no help at all and for that we need authentic instructors and teachers.

Travel

If one thing that travelling for work has taught me, it's that the more I step outside Malaysia's borders, the more I realise that I often act upon pre-conceived sentiments and notions of a country.

Case example, going to Paris for the Tango Marathon, there was some disgruntled sense in feeling that we were being treated rather rudely by some of the members of the Tango scene. In Dubai, having the taxi driver suddenly turn on the meter when the hotel bellhop had assured us of a flat rate. Little things like these that suddenly draw up the comparison..."In Malaysia..."

But really, "In Malaysia..." all these might have been multipled 10-fold, taxi's would have fleeced us and service wouldn't have been the best either. Yet, we seem to filter our lives by growing the barnacles that protect us against such negativity. We grow the layers of skin needed to survive in a country and carry this with us anywhere we go.

I do realise something though. It doesn't matter how developed a country is, there will be something that you pull and pick at and want to compare against your own sense of what home should be. Sometimes home is what it is, warts and all and it's not a black and white thing, no it is the multi-coloured rainbow hue that makes us who we are, and makes the nation what it is.

When people drag Malaysia's name through the mud, we are apt to also try to protect it. It's like how no one can use the N-word except for the people themselves, so really, no one can slander Malaysia better than her own people. But maybe sometimes we do need to drag our name through the mud, maybe sometimes its justified when we look at the powers that be and what they are saying, doing and acting upon. Yet when we defend it, we are not defending the powers that seem to want to test us with every step, we are defending the friends we have, the family that exists, the memories of time, place and childhood. Our identify, woven into the fabric of what makes this country great, and also what makes this country flawed.

Believe, trust, and the grass always seems greener on the other side 

What happened?

To the veracious reader who devoured books like snacks?
To the instrument player training..for exams...?
To the swimmer, tennis player, basketball player?
To the study-er, mugger, 6 hours over one problem math nerd?

Guess this is what growing up is about? Getting a job and losing your own interests in the process. Sigh.

Resolutions for the year!

2015 Resolutions
1) Travel to new places for Tango  (Paris, Istanbul, London!)
2) Take up Yoga (ok..somewhat)
3) More performances for Tango (nada!)
4) Continue Bootcamp (complete fail)
5) Take up new sport (semi...)
6) Consider Grad School (not with this exchange rate..)
7) Find something useful to contribute time to (my sleep...)
8) Read more (failed)
9) Do a handstand (failed)

2016 Resolutions
1) Keep up Yoga & Kickboxing
2) Do a friggin handstand
3) Travel more for Tango..and in general
4) Go diving at least twice this year!
5) Start and be involved in something
6) Read more
7) Spend more time with family

Choices

We make choices everyday, choices about what we wear, where we go, what we do, what we eat, who we see.

Having worked in somewhat healthcare related projects over the past year and a half (unfortunately not doctors, more the planners and strategists around the concept of healthcare), there has been growing awareness about exercise and food choices which we make on a day to day basis. When you're faced with questions on a population level basis i.e. "How can we change the behaviour and habits of a certain subset of the population who never exercises, never stretches, eats nasi lemak every day for breakfast and wonders why they have diabetes/high cholesteral/stroke...-.-". Seriously people.

It's a choice, life has always been choices, despite the inherent boundaries which we are born with, we can and do find ways to work beyond that. I am intolerant of the people who rant about their situation but when asked to confront or do something to change it, back away almost immediately. There is absolutely no love or empathy for me in that situation, in fact I'd likely be more peeved than anything else.

This is also a reminder to myself, that, exercise and fitness isn't done for the sake of looking good, it's as much about feeling good and feeling strong and truly inhabiting your body and being able to push it to its maximum capabilities. This is why I exercise and this is why I dance and yes, in the middle of crazy projects where every day sucks bits and pieces of your soul, being able to remember that we are a physical being (and not just our brain and eyes) is so, so important. Confront the pain, push through and challenge yourself.

Back to Bootcamp it is. 

27 Things

9x3. 3^3.

Jeez. Getting old, still not close to 30 yet!

27 Things to be Grateful for over this past year:

1) Getting to work in another country for a bit
2) Increasing responsibilities at work
3) Meeting new colleagues and making new friends
4) Breakthrough in Tango Expression
5) Discovering Yoga
6) Being able to do a headstand
7) Travelling to new places (Istanbul, Brisbane)
8) Bettering Tango DJ-ing skills
9) Meeting surprising friends
10) A ton of sweet weddings
11) Performing in Esplanade
12) New sports - Kickboxing
13) New Tango Shoes
14) Frolicks past midnight in the Ocean
15) Letting go
16) Clear skies post haze
17) Saying temporary good byes to key life people
18) Mad Men Finale, and a host of other good shows!
19) Paris/Italy end of year trip
20) Participating in my 1st Rally
21) Diving trips and relaxing island bumming (with rain)
22) Good Concerts
23) Functioning Family
24) Health
25) No worries over where the next meal will come from
26) Potential House Shopping
27) Good Friends

Wow. It really has been a worldwind year! More to come!

Burnout

Half a decade. I have reached half a decade of work. I have reached half a decade post graduation, 2 jobs, 1 promotion and a ton of projects.

Where's that bright-eyed, bushy-tailed 22 year old me? Oh wait, no, that was never me anyway =P.

Nope. Always wanting to strive for something else, that's more like it.

Oh the places you will go indeed, hardly really, so much more to explore, just..maybe not in this capacity. Quite burnt out at this point and need to refocus on a new direction.

To throw it all away? Maybe.