Out of the Blue

Catharsis. Freud once wrote it's all about letting things go, letting the agenda go and really just, leaving it and tapping into something fundamental. The things you HAVE to say, not dictated by social norms or the fences of etiquette and social wording.

Someone came back to me, someone I havn't thought of for a long time. Someone that I had filed under, best forgotten-draw blank-revisited and reviled. And said something. Said person said that they should have treated me better- that I had deserved better. It's a little too late but nice to know that someone regretted something about you. And it's almost like that last shovel of dirt over the grave of unhappy memories, regrets and should-have-saids. Never regret.

And in my cupboard lies a handwritten message from said person. Still. Nothing romantic, just a gesture that until now lingers longer than the pictures I've put away. Still in my memory, under, someone I used to know.

You can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Layers upon layers, and sometimes I feel like I can't treat this blog as the 'real' forum for all the inner thoughts that come and go, flitting constantly in and out of consciousness. I figure that sometimes you really want to tell a certain someone something, and you collect the thoughts into a treasure chest and then you realize when you open it up that it's dissipated. Uncontainable.

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Somebody
(I used to know)
Somebody
(Now you're just somebody that I used to know)

Thank you my psycho buddies

For reminding me that friends are all you ever really need =)

You learn...

...that it's ok to fail at something
...that it's ok to say 'I don't know'
...that you can survive through some of the darkest moments
...that you can let go
...that life has no answers
...that you sometimes lose a game
...that life goes on. Period.

Oh-oh, yes I'm the great pretender
Pretending that I'm doing well
My need is such I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell
Oh-oh, yes I'm the great pretender
Adrift in a world of my own
I've played the game but to my real shame
You've left me to grieve all alone
Too real is this feeling of make-believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal
Yes I'm the great pretender

Just laughin' and gay like a clown
I seem to be what I'm not, you see
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're still around
Too real is this feeling of make-believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal
Yes I'm the great pretender
Just laughin' and gay like a clown
I seem to be what I'm not, you see
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're still around

Laundry lists

-Get silver cleaner
-Get rubix cube and figure out pattern
-Find Taiwan bracelet and Burt's bees gloss

Things you do when you put your mind to it!